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Dear Dr. K-
I work in a strict corporate environment. I have many bosses above me, many of whom do not even know my name. My direct superior is a female. She is aware of the fact that I have a wife and kids and am happily married. However, she persistently makes sexual advances and jokes towards me at work. Sometimes I go along with these remarks because she IS my boss and the last thing I want to do is get on her bad side. But, honestly its starting to creep me out. What started out as occasional “qwerky” smiles has recently escalated to bold sexual advances. Even though I do find her attractive, my wife and kids mean the world to me and I am not the type to cheat or be unfaithful in any manner. I often tell her that her actions make me uncomfortable and that I would appreciate it if she stopped putting me in these extremely awkward situations. It’s getting to the point where even co-workers are catching on to this unorthodox activity. I always bring my wife to work related events and I am afraid that my wife may misinterpret the relationship with my boss. I have not mentioned the comments to my wife because I don’t know how to present this behavior in a way where she won’t jump to conclusions. I would like advice on how to stop my boss’ behavior. Because she has more credibility, I am sure that my managers would side with her. My boss has the ability to make my time at work very uncomfortable. Im afraid that if I present my claim I will be fired on the spot and I really need this job to support my family. What should I do? Creeped Out Co-worker
Dear Creeped-Out Co-worker
What your supervisor is doing isn’t technically sexual harassment, but it is close enough. Since you work in a strict corporate environment, go to Human Resources and report your supervisor. HR will handle it from there. If things go according to policy, your supervisor will be reprimanded or asked to attend a diversity workshop or sensitivity training and her contact with you will decrease and become FAR less friendly. And, because she has less contact with you, she may send fewer high profile projects your way. Not because she wants to make your life more complicated but because she will be instructed to maintain a supervisor–supervisee ONLY relationship with you. I understand your desire to make all of the flirting go away without your boss getting mad at you or any of this affecting your work, but that’s not gonna happen. Your boss forgot the golden rule–you can’t get your meat where you make your bread. This is her hardship to overcome, not yours. The kindest thing you can do is not act weird when she starts acting like a boss and not a bitch in heat. And speaking of acting weird … tell your wife what’s going on. You haven’t done anything wrong; stop acting like you have something to hide. Dr. K
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